Wednesday, September 30, 2009
So. My left ankle. Well, here's how it started. A couple weeks ago I posted about cankles, and they've been a little swollen on and off ever since. Yesterday was pretty bad, and I could tell for the first time that my legs are swollen too, because when I went to take my socks off, I had this very distinct indentation around my lower leg that made my feet look fake.
That's all fine and dandy, swelling is pretty common. But yesterday I was walking down the scary set of stairs at Matthew's office and my left ankle tried giving out on me. I'd have feared for my life if I hadn't been 5 stairs from the bottom, the staircase is that tall (seriously. I have nightmares about wheezing my way to the top of them only to pass out and fall to the bottom. Or at least I have daymares about it.)
Then last night I noticed that the inside of my left ankle, just below and beside the bone on the inner part, feels bruised, though it doesn't look it. It does look and feel swollen, but then, my feet just ARE swollen, so again, no biggie.
Then I took a look at my ankles tonight, and I'm pretty sure the left ankle is swollen more than the right one. Here's the picture:
If you look close enough (or enlarge the photo of my ugly feet...hahaha) then you can see the line from the non-elastic socks I wore today which apparently were still too tight, and also the line on the tops of my feet from the shoes I wore this evening.
So what do you think? Do you think the inner part of my left ankle is sticking out more than the right? Can you tell that they're swollen at all, or is it all just a figment of my imagination???
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Yesterday and today have actually been 10 times better than expected. There have been hiccups, but a super husband has made up for those, and by and large, life is good.
See, we decided last night that we were so stressed that we wouldn't go to last night's class. We'll catch up on the material (still in the review stages anyway) and just relax for the evening. We went to my in-laws for a little birthday celebration, as it was Rob's 21st birthday. It was delicious and fun, and we sat around talking and playing x-box (well, Matt played x-box) until 9, when we came home and I threw in some laundry, read my scriptures (instantaneous stress-reliever! It's amazing.) and I posted, as you probably know.
We were done work by 11am this morning, as the number of orders that could be shipped at the time were rather small (still waiting for the shipment of products to come in), so I re-did the photo assignment that I had *tried* doing yesterday (MUCH better pictures this time around, thanks to the fact that I wasn't trying to take the pictures during a monsoon of sorts!) and ran some errands. Then I had some delicious lasagna-a-la-Trish, who brought it in for the whole crew, and then I headed to my anaesthetic consult.
I know I seem to worry a lot, but I was a little anxious for today. I was trying to find a delicate balance between keeping an open mind and knowing what I wanted before I went to talk about pain-relief. See, I was fully prepared for the doctor I met with (an anaesthesiologist) to be pro-epidural and to be blunt and rude and tell me I'm being narrow-minded when I say I don't want an epi or a spinal, and so on. I've had some snooty doctors in the past, but I was pleasantly surprised with how nice this man was, and how good I felt being there.
So here are some of the things I learned while talking with him:
- epidural or spinal = completely my choice, not going to pressure me one way or the other (blessed man!) I knew it was my choice, but I felt like he'd tell me I'm foolish, or just don't realize what childbirth is really like. Happy day when he didn't, and actually was very empowering.
- demerol or morphene is administered through a needle to my arm or butt (butt please. I'd rather not see it.) and apparently does not constitute a transfer of care from my midwife to a doctor.
- being knocked out with a general anaesthetic for a C-section is just fine, and will not harm the baby. In fact, the baby will only be minimally affected, as they do all the prep-work on me (hanging the screen, prepping tools, etc) before they knock me out. Then the baby is out in about 5 minutes. I'm only knocked out until about 10 minutes after the procedure is done, rather than for hours like I had thought. The baby is cleaned up and brought to the maternity ward/nursery before I regain consciousness. Matthew is not allowed to be in there for a c-section, but can wait just outside the O.R. and go with the baby. I would have to recover in a recovery room for about an hour, and then I'd get wheeled to the maternity ward too for a happy little reunion/meeting the baby for the first time (sortof. I mean, he's here NOW, but not at the same time.)
That's pretty much it. To me, what helped the most was knowing the procedure, and what specifically will happen in the event of a c-section. That was something I was anxious about, because I really can't predict if I'll need one or not. I'm hoping not for obvious reasons, but I know there are times when it's essential, so I wanted to be prepared for that rather than having to take it all in in the midst of pain, high emotions and the like. I think I'll go on a tour of the hospital with Matt too, so that we're familiar with everything. I feel good about that.
Now I feel like I can breathe a little easier! And hopefully sleep easier too. Now I just have to get my glucose screening out of the way, hopefully tomorrow morning, and then I'll be set for the next little while, with all anxious things under my belt!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Silliness = venting about a problem which will inevitably seem worse after doing so, while at the same time failing to do what will make you feel better, like reading scriptures. Then running out of time to do the things that will make you feel good, and feeling like there isn't enough time in the busy days ahead of you. Getting upset about said lack of time, when really, if you managed it well in the first place, you'd be in a much happier place.
Still learning that lesson.
"No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse." - Jeffrey R. Holland
And now for something completely different.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Kindergartener - to get to the other side
Aristotle - It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Martin Luther King Jr. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Machiavelli - The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Jerry Seinfeld - Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
Oliver Stone - The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?'' Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?''
Einstein - Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson - The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway - To die. In the rain.
So now you know what to answer when someone asks you that famously ridiculous conundrum, to which there is apparently no right (or clear!) answer. Enjoy!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I'm a list person, and I like to write things out. It keeps me organized, but sometimes it adds to my stress, knowing how much I have to do. I don't really mind this though, because I'd rather feel organized and stressed (which I'm going to feel either way) than disorganized and stressed, which is a lot worse. So I'm going to indulge in a bit of listing.
Matthew's anniversary sale starts tomorrow, and I'm going to work for 2-3 weeks (we hope.) I'm really not sure how it'll work out, because it'll mean being on my feet almost all day, but it's really not hard work - I'm just packaging orders for the sale. It's 9-5, which is great as far as regular hours go, and if my evenings were completely empty I'd be fine. But they're not!
So tomorrow I'm going to be dropping Matt off at work, running to Costco for Maynard's candy (one candy per order!) coming back and helping pack magnets into baggies, and at 12pm when the sale starts, we'll start packaging the orders that we already have the stuff for. Then we'll finish at 5pm, have to figure something out for dinner (can we say, "fastfood"? Poor baby.) and then we'll run (or drive...) to our photography class at the college which starts at 6:30 (we would leave from home at 5:30.) That runs until 9:30pm, home by 10-ish, and CRASH.
Tuesday is much the same, except I'll be packaging all day instead of running errands, and our photography class starts at 7 instead of 6:30. Maybe time for something other than fastfood for dinner. But here's the catch. I pretty much have 2 assignments due on Tuesday, and I have no idea when I'll have time to do them. One involves taking 8 photos at different settings on my camera and the other involves putting together a small powerpoint presentation on the photographer of my choice (a little bitter about that one, but that's for another blog post.) These assignments need to be done before the end of the work day tomorrow (or at least the picture-taking does) because we need to have time to print the photos at the 1-hour photo place at Walmart before we leave for class. :P Oh, then home by 10:30, and CRASH once more.
Oh wait, I forgot something about Tuesday. It just might make my day better! I have the anaesthetic consult then, which means I'll be leaving work at 1:45-ish.
Wednesday = work. Time for dinner in the evening, then a Relief Society meeting involving cake-decorating from 7-9. Sometime probably close to 10 I'll crash once more. Somewhere in that mix I need to practice piano and make it seem like I've been practicing every day this week (totally haven't touched the piano since Thursday...) but I know my piano teacher will see through it anyway. He's been teaching too long to be fooled.
Thursday and Friday aren't bad days, they're just work. I'm hoping in those evenings to do some housework, any photography homework that'll be due the following Monday or Tuesday, practice piano for once, and actually relax a little bit. Oh, and write up the entire Sacrament meeting presentation and submit it to the Bishop for approval (almost forgot about that!)
Saturday and Sunday are General Conference and I'm really excited for the peace and quiet and spiritual rejuvenation that comes with it...I could use some of it right now.
So anyway, that's my week. If you try to call me, I'm probably not home. And if you leave a message and I don't call back, I probably didn't get home at a decent enough hour to call you. I'm sorry. The following week or two is pretty darn close, except there's no anaesthetic consult after this one, and there just might be a picnic one afternoon that I told Matt I'm going on with some old friends. I didn't bother asking because, although he's my "boss" when I'm working for him, I'm also free help. You take what you can get!
I hate when I'm so stressed about the week to come that I can't thoroughly enjoy Sunday! It hangs over my head like some impending doom and it dampens my mood without my even thinking about it, causing this tight feeling to linger in my chest. Does anyone else get that ever?
So writing it out didn't really change the situation, but at least it made me realize that the crazy stressful-ness is really only Monday to Wednesday. I just need to get through these next few days (and the 3 similar ones the following weeks) and then I'll be fine.
I think I probably just need some sleep. I woke up exhausted this morning after 10 hours of sleep and feeling funny, and I was going to stay home from church but I had things to do and people to talk to, so I went anyway. I was feeling better by the end, but now that I'm getting tired again, ohhhh boy. I'm hoping and praying I feel better tomorrow (although a teeny tiny part of me is hoping and praying to feel dreadful tomorrow so I can relax and skip just one of the stressful days!!! Wouldn't you??)
Anyway, life hasn't all been a veil of tears for me lately! Matthew came with me to my sister's on Friday, and I got to go to a fun sale. It's a sale put on by parents of multiples (at once, like twins), where they sell off all their excess stuff at ridiculous prices. I got some really cute clothes that will make our little one look all posh (in my opinion, the cutest way of dressing boys!) and some toys involving teething rings, rattles, and lego for toddlers. OH! And here's the steal. A couple beautiful knit blankets for only $3 each. Couldn't believe it.
Then we helped my sister and her husband move into a new place on Saturday. I didn't do much lifting, but we set up furniture, looked after the kids, made food, and vegged. It was fun and nice to see my sister and her little family. Her boys are SO cute and I was pretty excited to have the magic touch with my 5-week old nephew, Ayden. Okay, so I couldn't do a thing when he was hungry, but other than that, I was pretty much the baby whisperer. It instilled just a little bit of confidence in me!
I should really wrap this up now as Matthew has headed up to bed and I should follow. I'll write again after my 3 days are passed (OR the next 3 weeks are passed! Grateful to have something to do...grateful to have something to do...grateful to have something to do...maybe if I say it long enough it'll magically be true.)
P.S. I'm adding this as an afterthought because I really don't have the energy to fit it in in a more verbose way. I truly AM grateful that the next 3 weeks will pass quickly, because then I'll be magically 3 more weeks along. HUR-FREAKING-RAH. I love when time passes quickly!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
So today I've hit a milestone, for me at least. I'm 24 weeks along today! I've kind of been counting down to today, maybe because it was my next midwife appointment, and maybe because to me, 24 weeks sounds like a lot further along than 23 weeks. A LOT. And now, I'm counting down to the 26th week, 2 weeks from now, because then I'll be in the dreaded and wonderfully thrilling, everything-happens-in-the-next-three-months THIRD TRIMESTER. Where has the second gone??? I feel like it has flown by. Then, after that, I'll count down to the 28th week, because that's my next appointment, and from then on, I'm set for counting down because my appointments switch to every other week.
NOT looking forward to the gestational diabetes screening as it means more needles, and if the results aren't cool then I'll have to fast for 12-14 hours which might not have seemed like a lot before I was pregnant, but now it seems insurmountable. Go without food? Are you kidding me?! Gah. But we're keeping our fingers crossed that everything's fine to begin with. Except I've been bad and had a bit of a sweet-tooth. Only a bit! It's hard to remember to eat healthy all the time when you're feeling so normal.
So my appointment this morning was great. The tone of them is really changing as there's more to talk about and more planning for the future. Talk about taking a childbirth class, talk about what position the baby is in (they can tell that now! Sortof. We could tell where body parts were sticking up, but not which ones. It could have been a bum, or a head, or feet, or elbows. Who knows.), talk about how big I'm measuring (25cm, so a week ahead. Take that, people trying to push back my due-date!) talk about feet swelling at the end of the day because of extra pregnancy weight (good so far, 15 lb's to date, and no return of the massive cankles!) talk about birth plans and pain relief and positive thinking, and so on and so on.
MAN this little boy has been kicking a lot though! My midwife was trying to find the heartbeat but she couldn't hear it because he just kept moving around. Then she'd get it and start to count, and he'd kick and move away, or just start doing the rumba, causing a lot of feedback and rustling to come through instead of the thump thump thump we were looking for. It was actually quite hilarious! Eventually he stayed still long enough to really hear it and for my midwife to count, and it sounded like horses galloping. Apparently the device was in just the right spot to hear both the diastole and systole which was really cool.
I know that babies in utero don't do things just to spite you, but there are times when I wonder. Like last night, when he was kicking out towards my torso a lot, and I put my hand down to feel it, and the kicking stopped immediately. Then all of a sudden he started kicking backwards towards my tailbone. The little bum! Farrah told me that at some point you'll be able to make your baby move by pushing around, but all touch seems to accomplish with my little one is to make him stop (if he's already kicking) or to make me need to go to the bathroom more. Maybe I'm not far enough along for that though.
Everything else was good and well though. Except that we can't make it to any of the childbirth classes that I wanted to go to because we have a field trip for one of our photography classes on the one day and Stake Conference the other. Trying to work something out for that. I want to be as prepared as possible, and I want MATT to be as well. I'm doing all this reading and research and he's just cruising along, saying, "It'll be fine," and I say, "You're not going to faint?" He says, "Nope." I say, "You're not going to get mad at me for being a snot?" He says, "Nah, I know what you're normally like." But even still, I'd like to go and have his (well, probably OUR) eyes opened. No last second, "What's that pan for?" questions for me, thank-you very much!
Anyway, I've been rambling lots, I guess I'm just in a good mood from the appointment. Oh, and apparently hungry, because I just almost typed 'good food' instead of 'good mood'. Hahahaha
I decided to post an update photo today, because I think I've grown a fair bit in the last week and a few days. Here's a comparison shot:
In the first photo I was 22 weeks 6 days and in the second photo I'm 24 weeks 1 day (today). The brown shirt on brown couch isn't working too well, but I think it's clear enough.
Other than all that, there's isn't too much that's new. I went out on the boat with some family and friends on Saturday (sans Matthew, he had to work...sad!) and had a good Sunday. The boys went to General Priesthood, and Mom G., Rachelle, Lindsay and I hung out, along with Lindsay's two adorable kids, P and S. They wanted to play outside for a bit, so I took the opportunity to take some photos of them. They're too cute for their own good!
I'm still working on the photo-taking. I think I'm getting better, but it's hard to tell. But hey, that's why we're taking the photography courses!
Speaking of which, I should probably finish this because I only have an hour and a half to make dinner and do my photography homework before Matt comes home and we have to leave for class.
Friday, September 18, 2009
See, my wonderful Matthew runs his own business, and he loves doing it. His business is basically his hobby, which is great. He has some friends into it too, and he works with Dave and some other cool people to pull off this super fun business. They officially started 2 years ago this October, when they got their trade licence with the company that manufactures their hobby, thus allowing them to sell the product.
It was such an exciting time...I still remember the first orders. We were so excited, and immediately tried to calculate the profit (I think from the one order, it was like, $35. So that's roughly $17 each for Matt and Dave. It's not much to live on, but it was a start!) Then there was the time when we could place the minimum order of $200 and have it ALL be for customers, rather than padding it with stock. That was a big moment. Then there was the difficulty of what to ship the items in. Usually it was in whatever box we had lying around! Now we order standard, unmarked boxes from U-Line...SO much nicer! Then there was the first sale, and that was a big deal! They would get the boxes of stock and lay it all out on tables, semi-organized and totally confusing. Ohhh boys, we've come a long way since then!
So the end of this month, Matthew wanted to have a sale. It's a good time, with Christmas coming up, but he really wanted to make this one big and special. Each sale has been bigger than the last, but this one we're determined is going to be huge. We just needed a motivation...a REASON for the sale that would get people excited. Then we thought of it (well, Matt and Dave did.) Celebrate the business' second birthday!!! So to do this, one of Matt's employees made a cake in the shape of the logo which the boys then ate with their own hands (all on video of course. Boys love watching other boys do stupid things.) They've done a ton of other things, but my favourite so far has been the t-shirts.
Matt ordered a bunch of birthday t-shirts for all the employees to wear, and I just couldn't help myself. I grabbed the small (what boy is going to wear it?) and it has now become my favourite pyjama shirt. That's not the best part though! The best part is that I can look super cool and styling with all the other guys, celebrating said Awesome Business' 2nd birthday!! Here is me in the shirt:
So there's something that is ridiculously right with the world. Or maybe it's just fun.
Oh, I have to mention this, because it's pretty awesome. Remember how I was upset about the stroller/carseat thing? Well, I WAS RIGHT! They are on sale. And now, the shopping cart is right, and you can buy them, and it's very exciting. You pretty much get the carseat for free, which is UH-MAY-ZING. It's $170 off. So I'm still trying to figure out why the girl on the phone had to be a bum and not give me what was the actual sale for the week. Still feeling a little walked all over, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, and say, "Well, maybe the problem was bigger than just fixing it for one customer..." I don't know. But you know what? It doesn't matter. Because I was right. It just feels so good to be right! Man, I'm competitive. But there! I couldn't see a "what's right with the world" for the stroller/carseat thing because it hadn't been fixed yet, but now it is, and all is right. HA.
And now I will post some photos of our awesome nursery. Just to recap: we got a crib for free from a friend, we bought mismatched, used furniture which Matthew stripped and refinished, we painted the walls and trim, we cleaned out the closet and bought and installed an organizing unit, we hung new blinds, and I fixed the door so it closes and stays closed, rather than being tied shut from the outside.
So there you have it. I didn't know people could nest so soon, but I'm pretty sure that's what I'm experiencing. I just want everything to be perfect and in order now, and I could work for hours on the room, but there's nothing left to work on! Everything else for the room I've registered for (mattress, bedding, pictures, lamp, rocker, etc etc) so I'll just have to be patient and not start buying everything myself. The baby's not even here yet, so it really doesn't matter what I have and don't have at this point (at least, that's what I keep saying to myself...haha)
Anyway, I should really finish this up and start doing some housework, or homework, or piano work or something like that! Too much to do.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So what's been so crummy about today? Lots of things! It's cold out. As in, "come on, summer, you've still got a week left!" but no. Apparently autumn is winning the fight, and I forgot my sweater at home when I went out. COLD.
Then there's the package that we got today that was an unclaimed order (and therefore a 'return') but this package had been pushed open on the bottom, and the order, along with the Mike and Ikes we send were gone. SOMEone scored big, I just don't know who. Stupid people!
Then there was the time, this morning, when I looked at my registry and saw that I could practically get my carseat for free, it was so on-sale right now, only to be told by the lady I called online that the promo was only for the double-stroller, even though the website totally told me it was for both. Then she asked if I wanted to get it with the double stroller instead, and I was thinking, "Of course not, you twit! This is a baby registry. Meaning it's my first child. I don't already have some toddler to put into a double stroller or else I'd have registered for the double. And I don't exactly want to puch one single teeny baby around in a completely unnecessary double stroller just because you won't give me the deal the website told me I could have! ARG." But I didn't say all that. I got off the phone quickly because I felt like crying, and then I called Matt because I was disappointed and upset and felt walked all over and like if I was a pushy person maybe I could have got it anyway, but I'm not, and I don't like confrontations (probably because I never win!), so I just felt glum. (by the way, isn't 'glum' a great word?)
Then there's my messy house. And not sleeping in when I slept poorly. And the paint to touch up still in the nursery (I'm SO done with painting!) And a dentist appointment tomorrow, and no Matthew at lunch time to make cookies like he said he would (remembered an employee training meeting...sad day), and having to make dinner, and dinner being pork chops, and pork chops being dumb, and time being dumb, and everything being dumb!!
Hahaha, that was actually harder than I thought it'd be. See, I'd been feeling all these things this morning, but I've since cheered up, so it was hard to muster the same doom and gloom for this post (except perhaps where the carseat and stroller was concerned. Seriously disappointed about that one). I had to type the bad things though, so that the good things seemed so great. It's like Eve, and how she realized they had to experience the bad in order to have the good. Long story. ;)
So (bear with me, this will seem off-topic, but it's not) yesterday we started our advanced photography class, and I found it quite motivating. Our teacher is hilarious in a weird, you-should-sorta-be-in-the-military sort of way, and we watched a video that I thought was great. In this video, I learned that your outlook on photography and what you expect largely determines what you'll see and get. So if you go somewhere expecting beauty, you'll get it. You just might have to look for it. There was a motto to the video too that I thought was good (and was trying to ignore this morning.) It was, "celebrate what's right in the world," so here it goes. I'm going to turn this morning around and celebrate all that was right about it and everything I experienced.
First, waking up. Our bed is wonderful and so comfy, and it's not the bed's fault that I haven't been sleeping well. If we had the crummy, sloping bed we used to have, I'd be sleeping worse, so thank-you awesome bed. Also, thank-you pregnancy for making my joints sore, and reminding how lucky I am to have a healthy body, and have that be all that's wrong with me.
Thank-you cold for giving me the chance to bundle up and be cosy...something I've missed all summer. Thank-you autumn for making it so chilly that I can finally take my rings off without using soap and cold water.
Thank-you unclaimed order for only containing $23 of magnets, which Matthew can get for less than $5 anyway. May the person who opened it enjoy the candy. It's on us.
Thank-you delivery mailman for delivering my doppler WITH the unclaimed package. I'll take the good with the bad, and now I can hear my baby's heartbeat on my own! (Something I've been waiting to do until I'm done writing this post, I'll have you know! That's how much I love you readers. I just could not be distracted from my mission of writing this post.)
I can't think of the 'what's right with life' for the stroller/carseat thing. I'm still sad about it. But thank-you Heavenly Father for helping me to feel sad rather than angry. Sadness is much easier to deal with.
Even though my house is messy, it's a lovely house that I'm grateful for.
My wonderful husband offered to let me sleep in, but I declined, knowing I had something things to do before I drove him to work at 9am, and I KNOW I feel better for having done those things rather than sleeping, so good for me for doing what I need to do.
I'm done touching up the paint now, and the nursery looks wonderful. I'll post a picture once the crib is in there, which it should be by tomorrow.
I'm going to a new dentist tomorrow, so even though I have to go, it's just for a cleaning, it'll be a new experience, and it'll be half the price of my last dentist, not to mention the fact that it's half the distance away. Hallelujah.
I got to eat lunch with Matthew at his office instead of at home, and we bought a sub that turned out to be very tasty. Also, the cookie dough is already made, so I can pop the cookies in the oven. Even if I don't have the magic touch that Matthew does, the cookies will be just as good today (it's the second day where mine don't taste as good...they get overdone and crunchy) and with any luck, they'll be gone by tomorrow anyway!
Going to Dave and Farrah's to make dinner, Dave barbequing the pork chops instead of pan-frying them, and bottom-line, NOT HAVING TO MAKE THEM MYSELF! Also, they taste better barbequed.
So, there's all the good to the bad that I mentioned earlier. Then there's good just for the sake of goodness. Going maternity clothes shopping with Rachelle in 15 minutes, and getting to buy a new bra (YEAH! So jazzed. I've only got one right now.) Having the sweetest animals who miss me when I'm gone. Having an amazing husband who thinks I'm cute when I'm sour and pouty, and funny when I'm angry. Having an interesting photography teacher who has a twirled moustache, no bum (I don't normally look, but I seriously could help but notice. It's hilarious.) and who giggles in a non-girly but still really funny way. Oh, and who lets people knit in class. Having a fellow-student who is no more than 30 who KNITS IN CLASS. BAAHAHA, I still can't get over this! Who's read Anne of the Island? Where Anne rents Patty's place? Where Patty and Maria knit non-stop? And who likely were still knitting while looking at the sphinx in Egypt? That's this girl, only 30 years too soon! Just wait until she's an old lady. I love it. I love people, they are just so interesting.
There's so much more, I could go on forever, but I need to get going so I'm not late picking up Rachelle. Sorry there aren't photos, I meant to add some, but I just didn't have time, as I wanted to write this all out before I had to go. I promise to put some photos up tonight or tomorrow, with some more things that are GREAT and RIGHT about life.
P.S. If you can think of more things that are right about life, write them in the comments. I love this topic and I could keep going with it until people are bored!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
This is Merry's poser shot. It was hard to keep her still long enough to get a photo that wasn't blurry, because she's in heat, and only wanted to roll around on her back. Then, when she finally DID stop, she just lay there, trying to seduce me with her stare. It didn't work. I'm pretty sure two minutes later I closed her in the basement because she was driving me crazy.
So that was Friday. Then yesterday Matthew and I went to my friend D's wedding. It was beautiful and we had so much fun! Whoever sat us at the table we were at were geniuses because we didn't know a soul there besides another friend from university, Maya, but it all worked out and we had a blast. I even WANTED to dance, which I haven't felt like doing in a long time. Unfortuantely I didn't last long, but it was fun for a song and a half.
One discovery from yesterday alarmed me, however. I looked down at my feet at one point and nearly jumped out of my seat when I saw these cankles staring back at me:
This is the picture from today, so the swelling has actually gone down a lot, but you can see that the inside part is sticking out a fair bit. Normally I have quite nice ankles (in my opinion...haha) but not right now. I even committed the unpardonable, and wore FLIPFLOPS to church! I know what you're thinking... "What, did you just come from the beach or something?!" but all of my other shoes hurt to put on. Wah, I'm being a baby, I know. In truth, the cankles fascinate me. It looks so strange and unnatural, with my skin all stretched and not being able to see my ankle's bone. But then, this is coming from the girl who like to look at bruises.
Anyway, church was great this morning, and I'm excited because we're going over to a friend's for dinner and watching the CES broadcast afterwards. Also, Matthew made cookies when we got home, so I'm in a good mood from that. Good, good, good day. People have been telling me I'm glowing, but I think it's just because I was in a good mood this morning and not walking around with a stormcloud over my head, like I was last week (oops...)
Then after lunch I got Matthew to take a couple update photos because it's been over two weeks since the last ones. I'm pretty excited by the difference. Here's one photo:
YAY! And here's one with my head in the shot. The angle is horrible, but it shows how round the baby belly is.
Anyway, that's all that I've got for today, and I have to go get Matthew up from his nap so he has time to wake up before we go to our friend's place. I keep saying I'll post in a while, but my posts are becoming more and more frequent (as my journal becomes more and more neglected...) I hope no-one minds.
Friday, September 11, 2009
See, I know, in terms of trials, we're never given more than we can handle. Sometimes we feel like we can't handle things, but that's when we learn to rely on Heavenly Father, so that we're not dealing with it alone (in my opinion, one of the biggest reasons trials are essential for our growth.) I have this theory, too, that the bigger the trial, the stronger the person. I'm not saying that to judge, because there are SO many trials that we experience that people can't see, and where you have no idea that someone is going through something that difficult. But sometimes I look at what people are experiencing, and I'm like, "Wow. You are amazing and strong and I could never do that." Maybe I'm right. Maybe I couldn't handle that and that's why I'm not going through it, or maybe I could handle it, but I'm being tried in other ways. But either way, there are some things I'd rather not go through.
So what brought on all of this introspective rambling? Well, as most people who read this know, Matthew and I experienced infertility for what felt like forever, but in reality was just shy of 4 years. It hurt more than anything I've ever experienced, and I can't even describe what it feels like to not be experiencing it anymore. Words can't describe it. I still wake up and look in the mirror and think I'm looking at someone else, because I could never be the one pregnant.
We had moved past that, and were in a good place. I no longer cried every month when I got my period (though I wished it away many times, thinking, "If I'm not going to have kids, what's the point?!") We had looked into just about everything, from fertility treatments, to international adoption, to church adoption, and finally to adopting a crown ward. Some things about adoption scared the living daylights out of us (and still do!) but we decided that we felt comfortable adopting a child that would be a little older than a newborn, but still younger than 3. We'd be 'insta-parents' as I called it, and I was excited to be a mommy.
Then, through a special miracle, I became pregnant. Shocked. Floored. SCARED. Grateful though, always always grateful. Sometimes wondering, "Why me? Why, when so many others have suffered what I suffered, and are so much more deserving?" I still don't have an answer to that, and though I might someday, it'll probably take a long time. Just like how it took a long time to realize why we were experiencing infertility and what we could learn from it.
And even still, I sometimes lose sight of the blessing. I'm fit as a fiddle, and so is the baby. He's kicking up a storm, just to let me know he's there. I haven't felt a thing that wasn't good (except for the odd stretching pain here and there) and STILL I find things to complain about! What a silly goose I am. Here I am wishing to be pregnant for years, and then when I am, all I can do is rattle on about how annoying it is when people talk to me about being pregnant! Silly silly silly. Maybe I feel like it's just so personal that I don't want to share, but I think that maybe, after all I've been given, I can afford a little grace. So that's my goal. Be graceful, grateful, glad, all those good 'g' words. Because to complain about a blessing is the stupidest thing I can ever think of (barring drinking a gallon of milk just because someone told you that you can't without throwing up.)
So again, because I still haven't answered my own question. Where did this introspective ramble come from? Well, sometimes it takes looking at what others have to deal with to make you realize just how great you have it. Take this woman, for example. She's amazing and strong, and has had to deal with so much. She IS dealing with so much. She's facing one of my biggest fears. What she's going through is pretty much the reason we decided to do adoption through our children's aid society rather than from an agency placing children via voluntary adoption. To have your baby for a year, to BE his parents, and then to have to deal with the uncertainty they're going through, the fear that he'll be taken from you. GAH I don't think I could handle that. It makes me cry a little and hug my tummy a little tighter and pray a little harder and smile a little wider.
Everyone goes through trials. Not all the trials you experience are going to feel the same. They'll all be hard, and some will feel harder than others, but the one guarantee everyone has in life is that they'll go through SOMETHING that tests them. It what we're here for, right?
But likewise, everyone goes through times of peace. Times of happiness, joy, comfort and the like, that make us love life and make the difficult times a little easier to bear.
I'm so grateful to be experiencing a time of peace right now. I'm grateful for the trial of infertility that Matthew and I experienced. For the emotional scars that I have that make me that much more able to appreciate this time, this blessing, and this life. I am in awe of how much I've learned by experiencing something so painful, and how I'm able to think more of others, and understand even just a fraction of their grief and suffering. I may not understand what others are going through, but I can understand the pained, winded, hopelessly alone feeling that sits in the middle of their chest when they're hurting, and I can want, just as much as they do, for that feeling to be gone and for the time of peace to begin.
Please pray for this family. Pray that their little boy will be able to stay with them, and that Heavenly Father will be able to make everything right and beautiful in the end.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Today, on 9/9/9 I'm 22 weeks and 2 days along! I love symmetry. Sometimes Matt thinks I'm OCD about symmetrical numbers (maybe I was dropped on the head too many times as a baby and have some problems that are presenting themselves through my love for palindromes...who knows??) but it's very exciting to me, at any rate. I love when the odometer on the car is a palindrome, like when it says 181181 or 127721 (for the total number of kilometres we've put on our car, for those of you who don't know what an odometer is!) So I felt the need to make a note of how cool it is that on this wonderfully symmetrical date, the baby too is feeling pretty symmetrical! Well, sort of. At least, I hope he's symmetrical. 10 fingers, 10 toes, no funny growths and stuff like that.
And, speaking of symmetry, I remember in my highschool philosophy class we were talking about what makes something beautiful, and apparently people who are deemed attractive or beautiful also have symmetrical faces. So it's not just me! I think maybe the reason our skin isn't clear is because our insides are totally not symmetrical. We only have one heart, and it's not even in the middle of the body. And have you ever seen the shape of a liver? Bleh, it's all weird and pointy at one end and rounded on another, and the curves definitely are not symmetrical. See? Clear skin would never work for the whole beauty thing. Think about it.
Anyway, I'm not feeling so melancholy today as I was yesterday, so life has gone back to being my friend. Creme brulee helped, as did cleaning out and organizing the baby's closet. It looks pretty great, and tonight Matt and I are going to paint the room because soon we'll have the furniture done being finished and it'll be in there too (and it'll be easier to paint without the furniture.)
So there, that's all that's new since yesterday. May my life continue to be so very mundane!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I know, you're probably thinking, "Cry me a river!" but I'm seriously down today and I just need to let it out a little bit.
I walked past the school supplies the other day at Zellers, and I smelt a smell. A wonderful smell. It was the fresh-paper-and-rubber-backpack smell, and it made me kindof ache to smell it, because I had absolutely no reason to walk over there and pick out the smoothest paper (Hilroy of course) or the flashiest pens, or the best push-pencils with their 0.7 mm lead and clean white erasers. Ridiculous? Completely. I never knew how silly I was about school and learning until that moment! I'd always suspected it, but then...I just KNEW.
My husband is the absolute greatest. He tries to cheer me up by saying things like, "Look at it this way. Now you can spend time reading good books, and doing your hobbies, playing piano, taking pictures, and just relaxing!" and it's true. A lot of people would love to be in my situation, not needing to work (and at any rate, not being able to find a job even if I did need to, because who's going to hire me for 3 months??) but seriously, the novelty wears off rather quickly! Besides, isn't that what I've been doing since May anyway?
And then you get the yuk yuks who don't even try to understand how I'm feeling, and suggest all these dumb things for me to do with my time, like, "Why don't you come over and clean my house?" or "I've got some closets you could sort through for me. I've been meaning to do it for years!" as if I should either be cleaning my house or someone else's house if I have the time. Who am I, Molly Maid?
I know this is really not as big a deal as I am making it, and that I'm just in a mood. I just really need to find something to do that is regular (and not, today I'm going to so-and-so's, tomorrow I have a meeting with so-and-so, then Wednesday I have an appointment with Dr. you-know-who, etc etc.) I even resorted to looking at my university's courses and trying to see if there are any courses at all that I'd be interested in taking (or that would help me to graduate) but they're all full. **FULL** (as it says when I look it up on the registration website.) There is something so irksome about the colour red this morning! Arg!!!
Okay, deep breath. Life is good. Life is great. AH who am I kidding? Life is boring right now!!!!!
I completely blame the 3 people who made comments at church on Sunday about how I must be getting anxious for the baby to just be born already. I'm not, or at least I wasn't until they said that (come on, I'm only 5 months along!) but apparently when people know you've been pregnant for more than 3 months, they are surprised to find you still pregnant every Sunday afterwards! Curses.
Anyway, there's my vent. There's so much more I could say (because there's so much more I'm feeling and that is stewing inside of me right now) but if I make this too much of a downer, no-one will want to read anymore!
So what is new and GOOD about life right now?
Well, my cat has decided to start sleeping on the bed between Matt and I instead of on top of me, which is a big change. When we first got her she tried sleeping there the first night, but Matthew promptly rolled on top of her, and she found that her only place of refuge was on top of me. She liked sleeping there because I'm wider and squishier than Matt because I sleep on my side hugging a pillow, but since I've been pregnant I've been more fidgety and she keeps rolling off of me, so now she's given up and is sleeping on the bed once more. I really like it actually. I love my little cat, and it's so nice waking up in the middle of the night with her at my feet or sleeping against my side. She's the sweetest and the best.
Also, it's now almost 4 months until my due date, and time was flying by until Sunday. Okay, so I need a better way to respond to people. Here's the thing. Constantly I am asked how I'm feeling and that's FINE, I don't mind, really! But I haven't been feeling bad at all, and that apparently is so out-of-the-ordinary that people aren't satisfied with my 'fine' answer. So then I took to saying 'normal' meaning that I don't feel pregnant at all, I just feel like my normal self, but THAT took too much explaining, so then I started adding on 'bored' as if to say that there really is nothing to report and therefore no reason to keep asking as if you think I have a disease I'm coping with. But 'bored' is perhaps the worst one I've come up with! Apparently, when people hear 'bored' they automatically assume that it means I'm tired of being pregnant and ready for the baby to get out of here and into my arms. I'll admit, it'd be nice, but that's not what I meant at all, and it elicited the comments that drove me so crazy on Sunday. Seriously. I say 'bored' and people are like, 'how much longer do you have?' and I say '4 months' (which, by the way, feels like no time at all!) but then they say, 'ahhh, that sucks! That's so long from now!!' Grrrrrr you people.
So the conclusion of that ramble? I need something new to say. Should I shock them all with an invented, gory play-by-play? It's what they're all expecting and I **think** hoping for when they ask. Or should I take Matt's advice and say, "I'm great, how are you???" (facetious kid!) or should I take the air of a martyr and say with a long face, "Ohhh, I'm hanging in there..."???
I'm leaning towards Matt's response, because all the other ones never seem to be enough info.
And here's something! Why is it every previously-pregnant woman's duty to warn me that the worst is yet to come? Are they really not content with me being 'fine' as I call it? I was asked about morning sickness and when I told them I haven't had any and likely wouldn't if I hadn't yet, I was assured that many women don't develop it until later in their pregnancy (untrue, by the way). Or the comments about carrying too small. Or - my favourite yet - the comment that some women have perfect pregnancies only to have really horrible labour and deliveries later! Are you trying to scare the pants off of me?!
Heavenly Father, may I never claim to be an expert of being pregnant just because I've experienced it. May I never tear someone down because their experience was better than mine. May I never generalize and say 'every' when it's really only 'I'. May I have the wisdom to rejoice with others when they're great, suffer with them when they're not, and begin every sentence with a 'My experience was X' and finish it with 'your experience will be completely your own'!!!
Wow, two big rants. I told you I was in a mood!
I feel better having that off my chest. Let move on to seriously happy and exciting things.
I bought a Doppler device on the weekend so that I can hear the baby's heartbeat when I want. I'm pretty darn excited about it, but Matt thinks it's foolish because what if I can't find the baby's heartbeat because I'm inexperienced and then I freak out? He's got a point actually, but if that's the case I'll just drink something sugary and cold, wait an hour for the baby to kick, and then call the midwives if he doesn't. See? Simple.
I'm also WAY too excited because we just found out a couple weeks ago that my sister-in-law, Rachelle, is going to have a baby too! I wanted to post it on here before, but the cat wasn't out of the bag yet. It was announced to Relief Society on Sunday though, and there's really no stopping it after that point, so here I am blogging about it! She's only 3 months behind me, so I really hope it'll be a boy because then they, too, can be besties. Or at least they'll have fun playing together at Christmastime and so on. I always wanted a cousin who was my age and lived close so we could be friends.
Also, we start our photography courses a week yesterday. I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "What? You ARE going to school? You goof!" but it's in the evenings and what I really want is something to do during the day when Matt's at work (NOW the truth comes out!)
I also have this anaesthetic consult in a few weeks, where I plan on telling them there is no way in H*** they're ever sticking a needle into my back for an epidural or a spinal or ANYthing. At least, that was how I would like it to go. But in reality I plan on going, listening, and making a more educated and less emotional decision than that. I just really hate people touching my back and I squirm away with the least amount of pressure applied. I completely want everything to be natural, but then I want it to go well and smoothly too, and what if it doesn't? A little worry of mine.
I'm seeing a dentist on Friday about getting my wisdom tooth taken out. I see the midwife in 2 weeks or so. I start piano next Thursday. I have a fantabulously exciting wedding to go to on Saturday (yay D!). This is my life!
OH! I saw Julia and Elizabeth yesterday! Julia was out from Calgary for a few days and I finally got to see her on the day she left, but it was fun. We went to a carnival and had the best fries I've pretty much ever had, an icecream cone that was completely meh and not worth the $2 of grocery money, and got to spend some time with 3 of my favourite people! (Matthew was there too, I don't count myself...hahaha)
Okay, so I just realized how long this has become, and how I'm just rambling now. I'll finish it up and post again soon when there are more exciting (and happier!) things to post about. I promise the next post will be full of enthusiasm and glee and all the good stuff that this post was probably missing!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
She and Dave were over for dinner, and thanks to the whole no-eating-chocolate-while-breastfeeding thing, we've had to become pretty inventive about the desserts that we have. It's fun actually, I didn't really know that dessert existed when there wasn't chocolate in the equation.
So Farrah had a bunch of peaches she wanted to use up, and she threw it together with French Vanilla ice cream, and BAM! Dessert bliss. By today, I had already spent all our grocery money for the week until Thursday (something we're really trying to stick to) but I was just about begging Matt to go to Sobey's so we could buy ice cream and Cool Whip, he having already given in to the peach-urge yesterday. Well, I guess begging isn't quite the right word. I was probably one step away from begging, at the "Let's see how being really cute works first..." stage.
Just so no-one gets the wrong idea, no I do not need Matt's permission to go buy peaches and ice cream (***inwardly scoffs at the idea***) but I'm really terrible at times for sticking to a budget, and I feel so much better if it's a group decision and not my own. Sometimes I just can't trust my own judgment, especially when it's being clouded over by a ridiculous urge to eat peaches. Millions of peaches. Peaches for me. LOOKOUT!!